Funny movie quotes from Road to Utopia starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour
[Chester has the hiccups]
Duke (Bing Crosby): Can’t you suppress it somehow?
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Frighten me.
Duke (Bing Crosby): I can’t, I haven’t got a mirror.
Duke (Bing Crosby): Experience is the best teacher.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
Duke (Bing Crosby): Naturally, and I’m a Ph.D.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): I’ll have a lemonade.
[sees looks of surprise, snarls]
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): In a dirty glass.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Am I dead?
Duke (Bing Crosby): I can’t tell, you always look that way.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Yeah? Well, I ain’t afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that’s all.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): As far as I’m concerned, this picture’s over right now.
[Duke loses a talent show to a trained monkey]
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): [to Duke] Next time I bring Sinatra.
Sal Van Hoyden (Dorothy Lamour): [singing] You wouldn’t dare be too bold, would you? And think that my hand was to hold, would you? And you wouldn’t play on my sympathy, then take advantage of me… would you? You shouldn’t be quite so near, should you? Or whisper those words in my ear, should you? You can’t get romantic; that, you know, takes two. But darling, if I would… would you?
Duke (Bing Crosby): Chester, you’d better face it - the cards say “Alaska!”
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): No wonder - it’s a cold deck!
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we’ll be smiling ear to ear… with our throats!
Sal Van Hoyden (Dorothy Lamour): Don’t be facetious!
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): [confused] Oh, keep politics out of this!
Editorial review courtesy of Amazon.com
I feel sorry for people who can’t appreciate Hope and Crosby “road” pictures. This is the fourth in the series, and has the boys masquerading as the killers Sperry and McGurk, from whom they’ve stolen the map to a gold mine, but which really belongs to Dorothy Lamour, but which… and you know it really doesn’t matter anyway. The point is they’ve got this thin plot on which to hang a series of hit-and-miss jokes, coming fast enough to make it just all right and a certain amount of time to see who gets Dorothy Lamour, while maintaining their fierce and friendly and wisecracking rivalry. They’re in the Klondike this time around, which doesn’t stop the film from working in a glimpse of Dorothy in her sarong. Along the way, animals talk, including the humorist Robert Benchley, whose thoroughly dispensable introduction and running commentary I wouldn’t dispense with for anything. This is arguably the goofiest of the road pictures. My favorite joke is when Bob is bested in fishing with Bing. Bob remarks, “My worm must have B.O.” Bing comes back with “Couldn’t B.U.” You may not care where you’re going, just as long as you’re with them. Put it there, pal, put it there. --Jim Gay
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